Glenn Beck Is The New Che Guevarra or Conservatism Has Become Rebellious

I've decided to swallow my pride and label myself as a liberal. I've spent most of my adult life going against the grain and giving the status quo the middle finger; basically saying "fuck the establishment". This was all well and good while the establishment was all old, white, conservative Christian men, people I couldn't stand. All the while I've also been against a monolithic and overbearing government, and therefore when the Tea Party movement began, I was in favor of it. Then Glenn Beck comes along, bringing his Republican fan-boys with him and shitting up the whole thing, with their uptight conservative Christian ideology (I know Beck's a Mormon, but let's not get in the business of splitting hairs). Naturally, I feel repelled by the movement, but I don't really like the Democrats, so I was left out in the cold. Then it hit me.
This is my time to shine. I'm in charge now. Me! I'm the fucking establishment. All those hippies that wanted to legalize pot back in the '60's and '70's are now in charge. These are guys whose opinions on social issues are lock step with mine: legalization, equal rights for gays, equal rights for other cultures/races/creeds, equal rights for women, pro-choice, you get the idea. They are running this country. Not the Bible humpers and Jesus freaks. So It's time I got over myself, and just accepted it. I've been fighting the establishment for so long that I never even thought about what I would do if I suddenly became the establishment. Sure, I'm going take issue with massive government spending and socially destructive social welfare. Yes, I will have to hold on even tighter to my right to bear arms. And yes, I'll have to get used to the idea of speaking a dead language as everything gets translated to español, and of course no more kick ass weapons as military spending gets cut, but that's OK. In a few years, I'll be able to charge the pious who love preaching at me with harassment and not have to worry about being put on the terrorist watch list for writing hateful things about Christianity.
Since liberals are now the establishment, then that leaves the Tea Party ultra-right wing as the rebellion. Glenn Beck will probably write a pamphlet entitled "The Conservative Manifesto" and start wearing a beret. He'll secure funding for a Revolutionary Army led by Joe The Plumber and Sarah Palin, and we'll turn into The Soviet Union, except we'll be Conservative Christian hyper-capitalists instead of demagogue worshiping communists. But that won't happen until I'm old, so I should enjoy the present, where we liberals ride around in pimped-out Toyota Priuses, snorting cocaine off of the waxed asses Phillipino transvestites. Fuck rebellion, now is the time for me to revel in the decadence of the establishment!